


if you're with me (everything is alright)

by pepi_peachnbeans



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, He is hurt, M/M, Werewolf Remus Lupin, slighty canon divergent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 16:06:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15585612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pepi_peachnbeans/pseuds/pepi_peachnbeans
Summary: when sirius is around, everything was supposed to be alright, because sirius always made him feel okay. but it wasn't, not this time.





	if you're with me (everything is alright)

**Author's Note:**

> title from the song everything's alright - lauren shigihara, from the game to the moon.

Despite all that had happened within the last hour, Remus was positive that he was handling it rather well. Not only had he saw Sirius for the first time in twelve years, but he found out that Sirius was innocent, Peter was to blame, and this all happened because no one trusted him and thought that he perhaps was the one to betray the Order. 

He had also been ready to kill Pettigrew, and Sirius had been too, but it was Harry who had stopped him, and Remus should have seen that one coming. He should have seen Snape showing up as well, but that had been sorted out.

They were walking out the Shrieking Shack, something that Remus has done practically a thousand times, something he did once a month every month (besides the ones in the summer) for seven years.

Harry and Sirius were up ahead of him, supporting Ron, while Hermione walked behind them, because Sirius was still as reckless as ever, and when he went after Peter, he bit Ron in the process. Remus was left keeping his wand pointed at Peter as he lead them out. And it wasn't often that Remus got angry, or at least, he allowed himself to show it, but if it wasn't for Harry, he didn't put it past himself to have Peter on the ground, dead.

It scared him.

The deep anger and hatred he had for someone he once called his best friend. But the anger that no one trusted him because they thought he was the spy. If Sirius just told him they changed positions, if they didn't, or if James or Lily said something, then perhaps they would still be alive and Sirius wouldn't have been locked up in Azkaban for twelve years.

But it happened.

When they emerged, Hermione was crouched in front of Ron who was still moaning and groaning, and Remus had half the mind to go over and help him, but there was no way he was going to consciously let Peter go. Sirius and Harry were off, looking at the castle and talking, and even so many years later, he so much needed to look at Sirius and he knew what was on his mind, what he was talking to Harry about.

When James and Lily announced they were pregnant, Remus swore that Sirius was just as excited as they were (so was Remus.) and Sirius was even chosen to be Harry's Godfather, joking that Remus could be his Godmother. God, Remus and Sirius loved Harry, before he was born and after too, they were going to spoil him. It was suppose to be Christmas's where they were all together, happy, and smiling.

When James and Lily died, Harry should have gone to Sirius, but then he was blamed, and he couldn't. Remus wasn't even ever considered as an option, why would they let a werewolf raise a kid? So he was sent to Lily's sister, Petunia, and Remus had heard all the horror stories about her back in their school days.

Sirius was offering for Harry to live with him.

It was irresponsible, but Remus understood it. Harry couldn't, because the Ministry was still looking for Sirius as they speak, and Sirius most certainly has some issue to resolve with himself, and also to expect Harry to run away... Sirius had done it, at sixteen. When he went to the Potters, Remus could still remember the day he got the letter.

Hermione was standing then, yelling, "Harry!" turning all the eyes to follow her hand.

Remus paled seeing what she was pointing at, the moon. Oh god, how could he have forgotten? How could he have not noticed? Within seconds of the moon exposing further into the night sky, Remus could feel his blood pressure increase, and could already feel the mental snapping in his mind, and it paralyzed him like it always has.

He was shaking.

Sirius, who had dealt with who knows how many transformations, came running straight to him, and wrapped his arms around his waist. Insane to anyone else, because who dared to go and touch someone who was turning into a werewolf? But Sirius was just that level of crazy, and has been. Ever since he spent the days with Remus as a human, and then when he became an Animagi just to spend the nights with him. 

It was Sirius who always got the brunt of the full moons with Remus, shared a lot of his pain. It helped, because Sirius was a dog too, whereas James was a stag, and Peter a rat, which he needed to be hidden because Remus would no doubt eat him. Sometimes James would run with him, but it was always Sirius who was there to roll down and get dirty, and rough house with Remus.

"Remus, my old friend, have you taken your potion tonight?" Sirius' voice was frantic as he clutched onto Remus as he began to yell and contort from the pain that was consuming him. "You know the man that you truly are Remus!" Remus could barely understand anything past his pain. Remus, not Moony, but _Remus_. _Old friend_. "This heart is where you truly live! This heart here." he was slapping Remus' chest.

The pain was getting awful, and his neck was snapping backwards as he back began to hunch, and he wanted to flail his arms, but Sirius kept his grip tight as he kept his arms down. They were struggling now, in a pushing match, and he could feel his hands beginning to change and he was screaming while Sirius just kept saying his name over and over again in attempts to calm him or to stop the change. He should know by now that he couldn't.

The yells began to get more animalistic, and he was shaking and he didn't even know if it was from the pain or the fear anymore. What's the difference? Finally, his back was curving and his spine was changing, and his feat was growing, and he could just barely distinct Sirius shouting _run_.

Run, because Remus' senses are changing, and he can smell that there are three other people, three other magical beings. But his mind is fighting against him then, he doesn't want to hurt them, it's children. Thirteen year olds, it's Harry, Harry Potter, James and Lily's son, and his two best friends. And all he could do was hope that they heeded Sirius' warning and was running, because all of his rational leaves as soon as he shifts.

Then, Remus was gone.

When changing, his last memory was him flinging Sirius away as he pleaded for it to not be bad.

He was hunched over, whining, able to sense the three bodies in front of him. One was approaching him, trying to talk to him. Howling at the moon, he began to stalk towards them, but there was a mass of black that was getting in his way.

He knew that mess of black capes, he'd only seen him once before like this. It was years ago, but he remembers it exactly. That had been the time that Sirius had told him to go to the Shrieking Shack, exposing Remus, and knowing that it was putting him in danger.

Knocking him out of the way not caring, he growled ready to go in for an attack when he was being bitten and tackled from the side. He knew that scent anywhere as they went tumbling in a mass. He pushed away, and the dog got in front of the group of kids, growling.

It had been years, but there was no doubt recognizing him too.

But recognizing him came with all the hurt and the pain and it was tugging at his still beating heart. The betrayal, the loss. And he didn't like loss. He left him. He left him and he has been _gone_. Years by his side, over three, that was around thirty six shifts.

With no more hesitations he lunged to attack, just wanting to _hurt_ , hurt him. Make him feel the kind of utter hopelessness, anger, sorrow, and pain that he had felt for those years. He fought back, but a certain good blow made him whimper, and the only course of action he took was to running away, fully knowing that Remus would chase him down.

Easily, he caught him, and growled as he threw him into a rock, feeling the satisfaction of the whimper and the sounds of the snaps. A stone was being thrown at him then, and he isn't a big fan of that, so he whipped around to see the boy standing there.

And... didn't he know that boy too? The hair... the face.. but not the eyes.

But then, there was other howling, and he was off, his mind fairly one tracked and easily distracted. But there was nothing or no one.

Nothing because there is never anything thing, and there hasn't been anyone to be with him for years.Howling, he lunged at the tree in front of him, letting his claws sink in a tear through the bark. Nothing and no one because everyone was gone. He snapped, spit and saliva flinging at the snap. They left, they died, they betrayed. He tore the tree in half. Nothing and no one because who wants to be with a werewolf?He slammed his paws into the ground watching as the mud and dirt flung. His pack left him. Whimpering, he collapsed to the ground.

He stayed there, lying in the mud, with twigs digging into him painfully, and his arm and back still hurting from where Sirius attacked him. And the anger was still consuming him until he was thrashing on the ground again, his own claws tearing into skin, and he was howling, in fury or pain, he couldn't tell, it was both.

Things didn't used to be like this, things were fine for awhile, they were alright.

He wasn't quite sure that he believed in such a thing as mates, with wizards, or with werewolves, but if Remus was to have one he was sure that it would be Sirius. And people could wonder if werewolves could feel enough, be rational and not so blood thirsty for long enough to form a bond with a pack, but Remus knew it to be true. He did it.

He did it and it bit him in the ass.

When Sirius is around, everything was supposed to be alright, because Sirius always made him feel okay. But it wasn't, not this time.

 


End file.
